Dieting to die for

I've dieted all my life. Since I was 12 and my Aunt and her doctor put me on diet pills. It worked. I lost a bunch of weight - looked gorgeous for 5 minutes and the yo-yo had begun.

For years, I counted calories, counted fruit and vegetables, filled up on lettuce and green beans - and then binged on chocolate and bagels and all the no-no's.

At some point I went to Weight Watchers and learned healthy eating but the yo-yo syndrome moved right along. Up and down, each time gaining a little more than I lost. My body hanging onto every calorie that it came in contact with. Sometimes I swore that inhaling as I passed a bakery made me gain a pound or two. And it may be true since they've since discovered that all kinds of chemicals are released into our blood stream given the right stimulus - like freshly baked goods.

I finally went to Overeaters Anonymous - which is a 12 step program for people who eat abnormally. And believe me I ate abnormally. There are a limited bunch of people who, having eaten their fill, find that they are thereby stimulated to eat MORE. Normal people, I assume, would stop eating at that point. And even when I wasn't eating, I was thinking about eating - what I had eaten, what I wanted to eat, what my weight would be if I ate this or that and then nothing for a week, etc. etc. And the scale was my G-d.

A friend sent me an article about Geneen Roth's books. I read them way back before OA. They made a lot of sense. They talk about eating when you are hungry - not eating when you aren't hungry and re-wiring your brain so you don't obsess about food. Good - but how?

First thing I found out was that I have no clue what hunger feels like. I doubt I've ever eaten because I'm hungry. Or sometimes I'm most hungry when I've just eaten. Does that make sense?

So OA works for me because it gives me a Path, structure and a means of examining my thinking after first teaching me to notice my thinking. I work with a sponsor who tells me when I'm full of it. She also points out when I'm kidding myself, when I'm in denial, and when I need to make amends. I have a food plan - it's pretty structured but gives me lots of room to eat out or eat with friends. I have to admit I do a lot of slipping and sliding with my food plan but I'm getting better.

So, it's like therapy - knowing what your issues are and understanding your own motivations doesn't make them disappear. It may make then lessen their impact on your life - but, believe me, they are still there. No concrete steps on how to change - the idea is that learning about yourself, you automatically change. Maybe yes, and Maybe no.......and what then, if NO?

So, Geneen, G-d bless you, but this way is better - for me.