How many Jewish women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Good thing my Bnai Mitzvah class doesn't have access to my blog! 10 Jewish women ALL want to be chiefs and no-one wants to be an Indian. Maybe the teacher is the only Indian in the class.

There are 10 of us women from about 44 to 72 studying to be Bat Mitzvah'd at my temple. I had seen an adult Bnai Mitzvah a few years ago - a couple of them in fact - and really appreciated these "older" women coming to Torah at this time in their lives - taking the time to study and learn. I wanted to be one of them which led me to signing up last year to do this.

I've been more and more involved in Jewish life and learning since we came to Santa Rosa. I found I needed a Jewish community and we checked out the local temples and felt the most comfortable in the Reform temple we eventually joined.

Modern Reform Judaism - at least as this temple teaches it is inclusive, warm, welcoming and has room for a lot of different points of view and questions. The rabbi who actually came to us a year or two after we joined, is young and open to questions, doubts - downright atheism at times. He has made it possible to me to be open to learn more and attend more services.

I seem to remember the music - it comes from the genes I think. I don't think my Mother - who always sang Jewish melodies around the house - knew these songs, or at least not all of them. The music just lifts me into a spiritual space where I feel happy and "connected" somehow. The prayers have become more familiar and certainly since I started this class and attend more services, I'm more comfortable with them.

So, here I am - expecting to be part of a group of older women on the same path I am and I find myself with a group of women old enough to be my daughters. I am clearly not in their world space, have nothing in common with them other than the desire to do this Bat Mitzvah thing.

There are a couple of older women who might have been my cohort, but they are joined at the hip and have no space to include anyone else. One of them has become my mortal enemy.

She, from the beginning, got on my nerves because she wanted to sing every song (as a solo), say every prayer (as a solo) and perform every function. It was funny at first but got old pretty fast. The teacher is a charming wishy wash who let her have her way - and still thinks we should all support her in whatever way we can in her spiritual journey.

Fine - then let her have her own Bat Mitzvah - and I told her that. Nicely - really, I did tell her nicely. But if you don't want to make space for anyone else, you should do it alone. But no, that wasn't her style.

That was about a year and some months ago and by now, everyone is tired of her. Several people have told her off in no uncertain terms and she has told me off, in no uncertain terms. Not that I care.

She decided that since she comes to a lot of services, she knows what to do so she isn't bothering to come to rehearsals. Great! I don't miss her, but I know I won't like her blithering around and not knowing what comes next on the beema either.

The next step is planning the luncheon which follows the service. EVERYONE has an opinion; and every opinion is different. This one wants bagels,lox and cream cheese, that one hates them. This one wants wine, the other don't feel it's necessary. This one spares no expense and that one is watching the budget. This one thinks we should all wear white (oy vey) that one doesn't think we should wear the same colors as previous classes so what's left - purple with pink polka dots?. This one wants to go to a mikvah the week before, that one wants to go to the ocean and drown, and the others don't want to do it at all.

The worst thing - and I understand this even as I want to cry - is that some of them are so busy they don't want to dialog on email to figure these details out - they want to use class time (now is that crazy or what?). They say they have too many email messages as it is - and I agree since I had 42 on the bagel issue, and 6 from my "friend" complaining about my emailing techniques (she got 2 emails from me on the same sending).

I don't know how these people think that a "party" for 300 people is going to come off without some pretty heavy planning.

I have decided to go with the flow. I'm sure it will all work out in the end. There will be food, there will be drink. Some of us will know what we are doing and some of us won't. I've seen the kids bar and bat mitzvahs now for quite a while and some are troupers and some are clowns but everybody is happy anyway. Tears and hugs
cover a lot of territory.

And aren't you proud of me for not letting my caustic sense of humor dominate this blog?