Living up to my reputation

Can't get to sleep - again. Pills not working, tea not working, sleeping on the couch not working.
Reading a book, not helping. What else is left to do?

Maybe I shouldn't watch TV before bed - if it's an exciting or gripping story, I get wound up.
Not that I think of Masterpiece theatre that way - but this story was involving. Still, you'd think I could sleep by 2am. I've been in bed since about 10:45.

Does my mind race around like a rat in a cage - well, yes. But it always did. I always "worry", or ruminate on what's happening in my life. Things are no better or worse. Although, I do have more pain. Now it's my hands. For some reason, at night, they feel swollen and very painful. They even burn - especially my right hand. I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow, but have little hope he'll come up with anything. Actually, I'm afraid he'll offer me another pill and the last two or three times I've tried something new, it's been disastrous in terms of side effects.

I guess I just want a magic want to make me 50 again. Or, I'd settle for 60. But 70 and up has been a bear!

I got a new Morland book and am enjoying reading it. It's nice to be able to curl up with my favorite people and country and settle in for a nice read. Not that it isn't exciting sometimes, but we've been in the first World War now for about four books and it's not over yet.

I pass the books on to Toni and to my friend Myra. I think this is number 34 or 35. In the beginning we raced through hundreds of years of English history but now we've slowed down a lot. I'm hoping we go back and fill in some of those early years. There really were huge gaps there say in the 15th century or 17th century.

The books follow an English family through 500 years of history and you get to know them all and the branches of the family and through their experiences you get a really good feel for the historic period they are experiencing. Toni says she falls asleep counting Morlands instead of sheep. I long ago lost track of who is related to whom, but the names are all familiar to me as I start reading. Sometimes I wish I had Toni's mind - she knows all the stories and when references are made to trivia in them she picks up on them. Tonight when I was reading there was a trivia reference but I couldn't remember what it was. Something about the footings of a house in the middle of a field. I suspect that house was important centuries ago............

Sometimes, I pick up a random book in the Morland series and just read it for fun. But I guess it's a weird addiction we have.

To change the subject - maybe I should change the heading? I'm trying to learn the in's and out's of my new video camera called a Flip. It's very small and takes nice videos which you can watch on the computer screen, or attach to the TV and watch them there. There's lots of things you can do with editing, emails, making stills, etc. Unfortunately, there is NOT a good instruction book to go with it and I'm learning more from emails from my friend Arlene, than anything the company provides.

There are a lot of assumptions made about working with electronic devices. Like push "yes" when there is not a"yes" button. People who are really good at working with electronic devices know what "yes" buttons might be....me - I need it to say "YES". But I'm getting the hang of it.

I got it mostly for the grandchildren's birthday parties and I have some nice shots of Micah at his and Dahlia at hers. The parents worked so hard to make the parties nice. I guess I used to do that too - baking and decorating cakes, planning games and decorations etc. I used to hire our baby sitter to play games with the kids that way I could talk to the Mom's.

Kelly has some really good friends who went to a lot of trouble to make a couple of dozen assorted cupcakes with fancy decorations on them. Pure sugar! But very pretty. Plus they had the party in the garden which is very pretty with all kinds of different levels for tables, chairs and umbrellas and lots of flowers blooming helter skelter. I should have taken more pictures of the setting. There was also great food - and I'm not sure what Kelly made and what her friends made. I enjoyed a red cabbage slaw and the BBQ chicken was wonderful.

Dahlia was very cute and quite composed about all the fuss. She doesn't get rattled easily - she's not particularly clingy and she likes the camera. Mia used to too. Gary said my grandkids "loved" the camera and the camera "loved" them. Dahlia doesn't get whiny or cry a lot - which given that she is only 2 is surprising. That's why I say she's quite composed and not fussy. As long as she doesn't take a fall, you hardly hear her cry. She talks quite a bit, but I'm not always so good at figuring out what she's saying.

Dahlia got some great gifts too. They have wonderful things for kids today - really creative and stimulating toys. Makes ME want to sit down and play with them.

Maybe I'll send them, Rose and Gary, pictures of the kid's parties. I don't know that they are interested, but then maybe they are. It's a little uncomfortable because they have no grandkids so I don't want to rub it in - but I do love mine and like to share them in photographic displays.

I miss Micah. He's so cute and responsive, and I was hoping to Skype him when we got home so we could reinforce who we were but we haven't done it yet and it's been a week we're back. It's so weird - you look forward so long to these events, or a trip and then - it's over! You hardly have a chance to savor it. I hope I'm around for Micah's Bar Mitzvah - speaking of events to look forward to.

Speaking of which - I'm worried my Bat Mitzvah is going to be a disorganized mess. Judith (the teacher) doesn't seem to have much organization or control. She says one thing - like we'll practice the service every week, and then it doesn't happen. Half the class isn't showing up consistently and I KNOW they don't know their stuff. And even if they do, we should be practicing on the beema so we know the choreography of all of us moving about the "stage".
I know we have a couple of months, but in my opinion, we should be getting this down pat.
We're still mulling over - should we say this or that? When should we say it? And the people who aren't here are sure to have opinons. And don't get me started on planning the invitations and lunch.

At least F hasn't dropped out of the class - which Madame X was threatening (since they are joined at the hip). Madame X didn't show up but she had said she wasn't going to "waste her time practicing the service" she was going to spend it learning her Torah portion. The problem is the I've seen her in action when she hasn't "practiced" and it annoyed the hell out of me. The service was just a jumble - some of it due to J "leading" and not being prepared. Another reason I'm nervous about how this is going to come off.

I keep trying to "turn it over" - and tell myself that it's not a "performance" it's a prayer service. But I want the prayer performed smoothly and with meaning - I don't want a lot of tripping over each other and false starts. So here I am trying to "control" again. I have to remind myself that it's me and 9 other women - so I have NO control and not much voice in how things are going to play out.

So - let it go - it will be what it will be. Good night.