The Relentless March of Time

You see, no matter how hard you try to pretend you are not aging - you are (with any luck).

No matter how hard you try to keep up with the trends in fashion, music, electronics, whatever - you won't.

No matter how much you insist you won't age and get stuck in your thinking,
you will.

All of the above are things I swore I'd never do. And I thought I was successful but life has a way of intervening.

Joints age, muscles weaken, diseases intrude - poor Baby Boomers who think they can legislate away aging. "Todays 60, is more like yesterday's 40." You wish!

I love the commercials showing couples lovingly easing into bathtubs together as the Viagra kicks in. See, you know you are old when you think
"how easy is it to get in and out of the tub?" and "oh my G-d, there isn't enough room in here for both of us." And "Do I even want you to take that Viagra - I'm tired."

Well, here's the good news. Viagra doesn't work all that well. I guess that's the bad news too. But really, nature hadn't planned on aging bodies having vigorous sex into the 70's - joints and muscles don't cooperae. Clitori don't contract, penises don't erect.

But don't try and tell anyone, if the commercials say it's true - it must be.

No, it's more likely that gas will erupt without volition; bathrooms will be just a mite too far to "make" comfortably; knees and back will ache abominably if you overdo.

You can use all the skin products known to man and G-d and the wrinkles and brown spots will still magically appear. Plastic surgeon are good - but remember that the word "plastic" appears as part of their title for a good reason. Do you really want to look plastic?

Just asking.

Just gave away all my sleeveless shirts - those arms are more than saggy, they are cottage cheesey and saggy (what a combination). Who knew I would look my best with lots of clothes on - preferably loose ones.

The price paid for extra nuts, the little marguerita, the fudge brownie (without even ice cream) is high, non-refundable, irrefutable and the basis for hysteria.

That doesn't work either. You can scream and rant and rave all you want, but if you've lost an inch in height, you'll lose 20 lbs to play with on the desirable scale.

Who was it that said "Aging is not for sissies."?

I am saddened by the strong stride, easy stance, good balance, rhythmic dancing and easy pushups are all gone with the wind. Everything is a struggle and any gain in flexibility, endurance or appearance will disappear overnight if you don't religiously do it every single day.l

You must work hard to maintain what you have and even so you'll see it relentlessly slip away. No bribery, seduction or negotiation will change it.

Good luck with all that.