Ramblings of an insomniac

It's been a while since I've had a night like this. Two pills and a glass of tea and I'm still wide awake. I wonder if I've had some caffeine because that's what it feels like. But if I had accidentally made coffee with caffeine tonight, my husband would be awake too and he's snoring away.

It's times like this that my mind goes to all these strange places.

Tonight the place it seems to go to the most is to my computer guy - someone I relied on a lot - I didn't know how much - to teach me the in's and out's of my computer and to keep me current and also to keep my computer functional. Mike died. How dare he - didn't he know I and his other customers need him?

Mike was 10 years younger than I am but much younger than that in his outlook. A bouncy guy who came when called - offered all kinds of assistance and never charged enough (in our opinion) for his services. He was one of those people who loved computers and he was fun to watch at work. He'd talk back to the computer, chastise it and lovingly talk it back into a semblance of order after I'd gotten it all scrambled up.

Mike would show up with devices, upgrades - sometimes things unrelated to the computer, like the little window shade for my camera - and, as I said, never charged enough for the hours he spent or the devices he purchased. He will be sorely missed - as much for his good humor as his work.

I gather no-one quite knows what happened. He had not responded to his friends calls and they finally called the police who broke in and found him dead. He had had the flu and not been too concerned about it - he told someone he always had a bad case once a year. So he didn't see a doctor - probably didn't have medical insurance. One of his clients called the coroner and found that Mike had died of pneumonia - a totally curable disease these days.

The word is he had over 400 customers in the area! He always made us feel like we were special and never stinted on his time with us. But now he's gone. I wish there were a memorial
or funeral - or something - it's just such unfinished business. I can't believe he's gone.

My one friend - a widow - had invited him to movies and plays with her. Together they went to museums and various activities. She really liked him and, I know, hoped that he liked her - probably more than what he was willing to give. Because in many ways - friendly as Mike was, he was a loner. Not about to get into a relationship with an older woman - nor maybe a younger one either. I don't know his history but I gather he was married at some point. I didn't want to pry. For her it was an even greater loss - she lost her husband a couple of years ago and is looking for companionship and, yes, a man - in spite of what people think - there's always that
special relationship that leaves a big hole in your life when it's gone.

What else can I say? It's sad to think of Mike dying alone - and I hope it wasn't painful or frightening. I hope he's at peace. He will be missed.