The dust hasn't settled

Last weekend was the Bat Mitzvah - long awaited, studied for and feared. In spite of all my anxieties and mishugas, it went well. It went more than well - it was wonderful.

The service went smoothly - no major blunders or gaffe's. Everyone knew their parts (well, except Madame X, my nemesis - who lost her place in reading the Torah).
There were lots of people there from my family and friends to people at the temple who know me and supported me. Afterwards, even people I didn't know well came up to me and told me how moved they were by my speech and my dedication. It made me feel just great.

Some of us wore white - but I could have got away with wearing the cream outfit, or black pants as several people wore black pants or skirt. Only two of us wore all white. My maroon tallis kind of kept that from being too glaring though. Madame X wore a grey suit!

The luncheon was nice, plenty of food. The change about to tables and chairs from congregation seating worked well. The aliyahs went well, no-one fell down or knocked someone else down. The party that night went well - some things I would have changed if I had known but overall fine.

What a relief that it was over and I could think of what I wanted to do next in terms of my Jewish journey and education. The High Holy Days are coming up and I was asked to speak during an afternoon session of "Jewish Journeys" so I can prepare for that. It shouldn't be too hard as my Bat Mitzvah speech will give me some useful
bits to fit in. I just hope Madame X doesn't find out that I'm doing this though as she might try to sabotage me.

The group of women involved in the Bat Mitzvah are getting together in two weeks to finish up business and pay off any unexpected expenses. This involved a few emails back and forth to decide on the best day to do it.

I came home today and heard a very upset member of the class ranting on my answer machine about some email from Madame X but since I couldn't find it on my computer, I thought it was an old email - or that my computer had successfully blocked it. But no - I was not to be spared. This evening when I checked my emails, there it was. Another email demanding apologies from me and saying that my emails had "left a bad taste in her mouth". Would that it were poisen.

I emailed back that no, I would not be apologizing again for a slur I had made about her "performance" one Friday night when she and her friend were doing the musical portion of the service. I had apologized in class the same day it happened saying I should not have brought it up as it wasn't relevant. (It really was, but ....)
I told her that if her friend had any issues with me, it was up to her friend to tell me and she need not act as her friend's intermediary. And I told her not to contact me any more.

I'm beginning to feel hounded and wondering if I can get an injunctiona against her to stay out of my computer, my phone and my life!!

We still have this one resolution meeting - which I probably haven't heard the last of.

I'm wondering if I'm going to have to leave the temple. I'd hate to do it, but it's giving me an ulcer to have to see her at the services and study groups. She has styled herself as "cantorial soloist" this summer so I haven't gone to Friday night services which is OK as I prefer Saturday morning anyway. But if she's going to push her way into the running of services as she tried to with the class - I don't think I can handle it.

The instructor of the class is obviously afraid of her and has said so to me. She admits that she, the instructor, was slow to catch onto what Madame X was trying to do and eventually tried to modify her behaviour which helped, but did not fix the problems begun early in the class. Right up to the Friday before the Saturday Bat Mitzvah, Madame X was writing emails saying the SHE would be holding the microphone when we sang and we should wait for her to give us the "key" (which in her case is cat screech high). The instructor wrote back that she should avoid the appearance of being the "leader" of the group as we were doing this AS a group - finally a boundary.

The instructor had also written that since this was a Saturday service, no-one was a "soloist", but some would be holding the microphone while others joined in. That frosted Madame X's cheese as she had begged to sing solo - all 5-6 of her prayers. I had written the instructor and told her that I would sing along - quietly - but I would sing. It's what I would do if I were in the congregation and I would do no less at my own Bat Mitzvah.

And so it goes on.

Several people in the class have said to me that they realized that one of the things they learned was that they would stand up for what they believed in - the class had tested them in that way. That was, for sure, true for me. Plus I don't think the others have been treated to the vitriolic emails I have. But I had not expected to continue being "tested" in this way.

I wish I could just let it roll over me. But here I am sleepless, churning stomach and slight headache. My thoughts are stuck on repeating "I said" and "she said" dialogs. And wishing I had said this or that - which would probably have gotten me in deep doo doo. Deeper even than now.

I no longer wish I had dropped out early on - it was too satisfying to have completed it. But I wish it could have been different without me rolling over and playing dead.

Oh well, the beat goes on................................