Marriage and Mayhem

Tell me again what is so wonderful about marriage.

I've been married a long time, and to the same man but periodically we go through seasons of hate.

He can't do anything right for me - and I can't do anything right for him.

Of course, h e's always right. I'm the one who is totally confused and unsympathetic to his point of view.

He is, I'm quite sure, becoming senile. Conveniently forgetting what doesn't suit h is view of the world and strangely enough, I'm usually the villain.

Sometimes it's hard to remember why I got into this and why I've stayed for years and years and years.

Sex was part of it, but that's long since a memory.

Compatability? Were we ever compatible? Did we ever share interests, have similar points of view? Agree on bloody anything?

We are as diffierent as day and night. People look at us in bewilderment because we are so different. Maybe that was the appeal. I used to explain it by complimentarity. He completes me, I'd say in my best Freudian voice. I complete him, I'd say hopefully. Whatever.

Another day, another fight, another "misunderstanding" based on completely different views of events. I'm considering planting a camera someplace so we can play back events because I truly become bewildered by his view of "what happened". Did I really do that? Did I ever say that?
It doesn't even sound like me. I'm sure he views things the same way - probably the only thing we do agree on - that the other person is totally nuts.

I do know I deluded myself for years that he would change. I also know that I DID change. I've done a ton of self work. Any sanity I have (and it's not much if you listen to him) comes from years of therapy, self analysis, self help books, and introspection. None of which is his metier.

Never, and I repeat, NEVER marry an engineer. They may be good at fixing things, but they have little clue as to any layer deeper than sex. Socially they are not only disastrous but they don't improve. Emotionally, they are not only dense, but they think they are right.

My husband wears hearing aids which help but do not improve his hearing significantly. Yet, he will fight to the death over a nuance of my speech, or my choice of words - most of which he didn't hear, and none of which he comprehended. And don't get me started on meta messages.
He doesn't hear or "get" overt messages - or worse, totally misinterprets them according to his very limited understanding of human relations, let alone the nuances of meta messages.

Can you tell I'm mad?

Best to blow off steam in an innocuous blog, which few people read, rather than sizzle in his direction. Not likely to induce understanding, or comprehension.

I'm inclined to think that men and women should just get together to fornicate and then move on. Finding your soul mate is an illusion of fiction - and damn those writers for promulgating that illusion. If my soul mate exists out there, he's probably reading the baseball scores, or fly fishing in the Andes.